


Fuck Me, There's Dinosaurs

by VeetVoojagig



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dinosaurs, F/M, M/M, Polyamory, Trolls on Earth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-07 00:58:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15897657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeetVoojagig/pseuds/VeetVoojagig
Summary: Karkat's new job was supposed to be easy, just security for a boring office complex. But what can he do when he discovers the secret project the research lab in the basement is working on? Especially once he finds out which old flame is involved...





	Fuck Me, There's Dinosaurs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CollarsAndCurses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CollarsAndCurses/gifts).



> Inspired by my friend's list of prompts for a Halloween fic swap, and I decided to work on it before the swap actually started in addition to whatever I get assigned. Special thanks to [Dragoneisha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragoneisha/pseuds/Dragoneisha), my paleontologist on staff. And Wikipedia.

It was his second night on the job. Second night, and they’d already left him alone. He wasn’t under the illusion that that meant they thought he could handle it. It just meant that they were understaffed and didn’t care.

Whatever. The job wasn’t hard, so he probably could figure it out before anyone realized he had no fucking clue. It was just security at an office complex, after all. Insurance, lawyers, a few corporate offices away from main headquarters, and some kind of research lab. The guy showing him around the day before had said that nothing ever happened. 

Karkat Vantas sighed and kicked his feet off the desk. He didn’t even have to check anyone in, working graveyard. Might as well do a patrol. 

He grabbed his flashlight and made sure his taser was on his belt. Policy was to have one person patrol while another manned the desk, but that wasn’t happening. He couldn’t sit at the desk all night. That was bullshit. His ass would fall asleep. He reached over and hit pause on his phone, which was streaming The Princess Bride. They hadn’t even reached the Cliffs of Insanity yet, so he could watch all the good stuff when he got back. He slipped the phone into his pocket as he stood and headed into the interior of the building. 

Starting at the top floor and working his way downwards, by elevator, because they weren’t paying him enough to go up every flight of stairs, he made his way through the complex. As it should be, there was no sign of movement in any of the offices. He grabbed a soda from a breakroom fridge, ignoring the name taped to the side of the case. Sipping slowly on that drink, he continued his way to the bottom floor, and then the basement. The lab was there, for whatever reason. Apparently that was what they’d requested. Weird. He shrugged and stepped off the elevator, shining his flashlight into dark rooms. 

Wait, was that music? He frowned and slowed his steps, heading towards the end of the hall. The last room was dark, except for light coming from equipment. Some of that seemed to be heat lamps or something, though, so it was a decent enough glow. Certainly enough for his more sensitive trollish eyes to see what was in the room. However, he pointed his flashlight at the woman leaning over some kind of tank or something. “Hey, can I see some ID?” he asked, trying to make his voice gruff and important sounding. “What are you doing here this late?” 

The woman straightened, eyes wide in surprise. She let out a startled laugh and brushed a lock of her blonde pixie-cut hair behind her ear as she shut off the iPod in its speaker dock, quietly blaring some kind of pop bullshit. “Wow, fuck, you scared me!” she said with a grin. She unhooked a badge from the lapel of her lab coat and held it out towards him. He moved closer and took a look at it. Dr. Roxanne Lalonde, it said, in a clear, official font. Head of Research and Development. Hippocampe Biotech. Barcodes and magnetic strip looked legit, without actually testing them on anything, and the picture matched her face. He handed it back.

“So what are you doing here?” he asked again, giving her his best hardass stare. Fuck, he wished he had more experience at this kind of shit. “Doctor,” he added after a moment. Head of anything was kind of his boss, even if Security was an outside contractor. She could get him in trouble at the very least, even if she couldn’t directly fuck him over. 

“Oh, we’ve got some delicate experiments going on, they need constant oversight,” she said, waving a hand. 

He glanced dubiously at her ID badge again. “Don’t have anyone less important to stay overnight?” he asked. 

She laughed. “I wanted to. It’s neat being here alone. Almost seems like a horror movie.”

“Fuck, thanks for that image,” he said under his breath. The last thing he needed to do was imagine this building as the set of a horror film when he was alone every night. After a moment he noticed she was gazing at him curiously. “What?” he snapped. 

“Are you new?” she asked. “I don’t recognize you. I think most of the guards are human, usually. And your horns are so freaking cute.” 

He flushed slightly. Jegus. “Yeah, I’m new,” he said, trying to brush it off. Humans and their fucking inappropriate interest in horns. “I’ll leave you to it, I guess,” he started to say, when a sudden noise broke through the room, a soft scraping noise. He turned towards the tank the doctor had been monitoring. “Is it supposed to do that?” he asked. 

Her eyes were wide and excited. “Oh, shit, yes!” she cried. She pulled out her cellphone. “Babe, get the fuck down here, it’s happening,” she crowed into it before disconnecting quickly. 

Karkat moved closer, looking down curiously. Eggs? Looked like eggs. Bigger than normal eating eggs by a bit, probably a little smaller than grub eggs. Not that he’d seen those up close either. He guessed it was some kind of incubator, not a tank, then. And… yeah, one of them was rocking. Wait, two. And the first one had a crack forming. 

The doctor let out an excited shriek, her hands at her mouth. He wondered if he should leave, but whatever, she wasn’t kicking him out. All the eggs were starting now, and that first one was fucking crazy. A piece broke off, and he found himself leaning closer for a better look as the doctor kept keening. Some kind of blunt bill poked out of the hole. A clawed hand--foot?--followed it, pulling at the crumbling shell. “That’s Mommy’s good boy,” Dr. Lalonde cooed, bending to peer at it closely. She was biting her lip and almost shaking with nervous glee. 

The other eggs were starting to follow suit as the first one broke open completely and a small body tumbled out. It was damp and kind of disgusting. It started nuzzling its weird beak thing into its feathers, fluffing them out ridiculously as it got the goo off itself. 

Suddenly he found the human woman hugging him tightly. He was too startled to push her away for a long moment, and she was too happy to realize that he wasn’t as overcome with joy as she was. “Oh my fucking god, it worked!” she cheered, bouncing in place as she turned away from him back to the incubator. “Look at my little babies!” 

Karkat tugged on his uniform shirt. He didn’t actually care if it was rumpled, but it helped him get over the pure annoyance at being touched without expecting it. “What kind of bird is that?” he asked. “I’ve never seen it before.” They looked so fucking weird. The wings were tiny, it probably wouldn’t fly, and they didn’t seem to be in the right place. And they had little hands at the end, with claws. Fucking weird. Ugly as fuck. He shook his head. 

The doctor turned to him, a huge grin on her face. “Those,” she said, pointing at the little chicks, “are deinonychuses.” He gave her a blank stare and shrugged. She carefully reached into the tank and picked one up, stroking its back. “It’s a dinosaur,” she said, holding it up. 

His eyes widened. He’d seen human movies, he knew something about that bullshit. And how fucking stupid it was to hold onto one, even if it was a grubling. “What the _fuck?_ ” he shouted, staring at her. 

She laughed delightedly. “I know!” she crowed. “It’s a scientific breakthrough!” 

She was still holding the dinosaur out towards him, and he reached out with slightly trembling fingers, touching its back. That was real. This was _real._

What the fuck was he supposed to do about that?


End file.
